Scientists go to great lengths to answer the age-old question and, no, your shoe size has nothing to do with it.

So they’ve finally gone and done it, they’ve published a figure purporting to be the length; both flaccid and erect mark you, of the average male member.

It’s 9.16cm by the way, 3.6 inches if you prefer, I quite like having the higher value digits involved.

Of course the organ in question presents itself along a scale with two possible extremes, and the measure above would be the smallest of the options available.

At the other end of the guage, when erect, this 'average' grows to 13.12cm or 5.2 inches.

That’s it.

That’s the result of an exhaustive trawl of all the available serious research ever undertaken on the subject by credible scientific groups using verifiable controlled protocols.

In the end that amounted to a comparison of the dimensions of 15,521 men over 17 years old who were free of any dysfunctions, implants or abnormalities.

It doesn’t seem like a very large sample on which to base the historical record but statisticians will confirm that this is a more than acceptable starting point from which to extrapolate an assertion of fact.

But why go to all this trouble?

The stated intention of the authors of the study, published in the British Journal of Urology, is to help to reassure men with body dysmorphic disorder or ‘small penis anxiety’ which can be crippling to sufferers’ ability to form natural sexual relationships.

But will this really help, haven’t these researchers missed the point a little?

We’ve survived perfectly well up to now hiding behind a cloud of mystery which protects the less well-endowed among us from definitive, empirically proven, ignominy.

Surely there can only be one effect from releasing this information into the general chatasphere?

If any household tape measure goes missing in the next week or so, chances are that there’s a male somewhere in the house scoping out his manhood and desperately calculating whether he meets the required benchmark.

Male showers in schools and gyms will move from the seventh to the fifth circle of hell for its weedier, underdeveloped inmates.

That’s without considering the wider implications now that we now have an official public benchmark against which to compare our own ‘research’.

Until this point it would have been a brave man or woman who claimed to have seen enough examples to make any definitive judgement of a partners’ personal presentation.

From now on, however awkward that first revelation between new sexual partners used to be, tensions can only be heightened by the knowledge that both parties may be well aware of how the available equipment measures up to general standard.

To make matters worse, or better, depending on your viewpoint, the study group admits that there are very few Africans or Asians in the analysed samples, meaning that ethnic comparisons were not possible.

Perhaps that is just as well.

They were able to dispell any myths about links to shoe size, or index finger length, or even the span between thumb and second finger, which is a pity because I have very long fingers.

They also admit that, despite the fact that 68% of men will fall within a half inch either side of the average, any man falling below that benchmark might, wrongly, experience feelings of inadequacy.

To purloin a phrase from our american cousin...ya think?

At least they go on to provide a plausible cover story inasmuch as it is quite conceivable that only men who were sufficiently endowed to feel free of any risk of ridicule would volunteer to be measured.

This might imply that the curve is, unwittingly, artificially skewed toward a higher average.

Someone remind me of the point of this again…

 

 Source: :Los Angeles Times et al.

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